Question to Consider: What makes it hard to forgive someone?
Forgiveness can feel complicated.
As an intern in Victim Services for a police department, one of my jobs was to sit with victims and help them fill out a PO (protective order). Unlike restraining order, protective orders generally means there is some type of familial or dating relationship that has turned ugly. One day, a woman came to the station and I sat with her as we began to fill out the paperwork. The Protective Order was not for an ex-husband or boyfriend, instead, she was getting a Protective Order against her son.
After we filled it out she asked if I believed in God. I said “yes” and she began to tell me how she didn’t know what to do in regards to her son. She began to paraphrase Matthew 18:21-22.
21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21-22
She felt the need to forgive her son. She asked if she should start counting up to the total of 70 X 7 (490). She wanted to be able to continue to be in relationship with him. However, for her safety, she needed a Protective Order which would ensure he could not come near her for at least a little while.
Sometimes, we think that if we forgive someone it means we no longer hold them accountable. And I’m not sure that’s true. We know that our actions have consequences. Forgiveness doesn’t get rid of the consequences, but it does allow us to maintain some type of relationship while we go through the process of consequences.
For example, in 5th grade I stole money from my parents. You can bet money (ha!) that I was grounded for an entire summer. But that didn’t mean my parents didn’t forgive me. Forgiveness was given, but my actions still had consequences. My parents were able to soften their hearts toward me, but they still made sure I learned a lesson about stealing.
God forgives us each and every day, multiple times a day. There are moments that we disappoint and choose the wrong path. Yet, we continue to receive a never-ending forgiveness. But God doesn’t always take away the consequences we face here on earth. If we run a red light, God forgives, but we might still receive a ticket. If we lie to a friend, God forgives, but we might lose a friend’s trust. God’s heart continues to desire to be in relationship with us no matter what. How can we emulate that?
We forgive.
I told the woman in the police station that she can worked towards forgiving her son. Rather than keeping track of 490 things to forgive her son for, she can try to work towards showing him unlimited forgiveness like God. This doesn’t mean that when her son makes mistakes that he still won’t receive consequences. He should and will, like the rest of us!
God is capable to changing hearts and perhaps one day they would be able to sit together once again. Her son would need to deal with some of the consequences of his actions, but perhaps knowing his mother is working toward forgiving him would be a sign that all hope is not lost. Perhaps her forgiveness, would point him to the forgiveness of our Heavenly Father.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We thank you for continuing to offer us forgiveness. Thank you for showing us forgiveness even when we don’t ask for it, even when we don’t deserve it. God helps us to forgive others like you forgive us. May our forgiveness be a sign to others that you have called them beloved, children of God.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Written By: Rachel Moraw